Quotes of the weeeeeeek (or the weak?):

*drumrooooolllllll*

12/19/11

#1. "Seriously, what are you thinking of doing for him? For a present?... Oh. This just gets worse..."

#2. "Sexy lady?! Eek!"
#3. "The airplanes were flying at high altitude ('that's what they said')..."


12/20/11
#4. "I've heard that rumor, that you have cooties. Wait, no, I spread that one. Ah, it's almost the same thing."
#5. "You go yell at him. You need to wear the pants."
"I do have short hair."
"And, you actually wear pants."
"That's true, he doesn't really wear pants, does he? But he did on Sunday."
"He wore pants for you."
#6. "You and your devil's speak...."
#7. "You're all a shovel full shy of a full load."
#8. "Sounds like crap. Sounds like 'doody.'"
#9. "I want your whole body, your everything at me..."


12/21/11
#10. "He does EVERYTHING."
"Yeah, he also farts flowers. Like, you know, those 60's flowers that go 'poof.'"
#11. "Someone's going to read these quotes and put two and two together."
"Yeah, and they'll realize it's 4! *gasps*"
#12. "That's a quote! Is it over-rule or over-cruel?"(? IDK. My 6-year-old brother said it, and it was too adorable at the time to be questioned.)

#13. "Sounds like someone's feeling a little festive-deprived if you know what I'm sayin lol."

Thank GOD that's over...

Hello. (That feels good to say.) I'm finally sitting down and writing, maybe even relaxing. This week was crazy, what with school, my so-called-social life, and my job. I just tackled a Service of Nine Lessons and Carols at my church, which turned out pretty splendidly, if I may say. We had a party the day before, and I do say, there was much tomfoolery and TWSS jokes to be had. So that's pretty much the summary of my week. Not much more to be said. I promise I'll have more interesting things to say when I'm bored again. In the meantime, you should read this book: 

It's pretty awesomesauce, and if you actually follow this blog, you'd like this. A LOT. :)

Das Auto ist Sexii

My family just got a new car, and I was babysitting my brothers, so I didn't get to set it at first, but OH MY DEAR GOD, there never was a sexier car. It's a night-black 4-doored Volkswagen GTI with freakin' black and red PLAID HEATED SEATS, Batman! VERY European, in my opinion. Anywhore, super exciting, so I decided that from now on, I shall refer to this vehicle as Sexii Sheep (because it is plaid. And sexii. ;))

(Check out the caps! ^)

The quotes of the week

I already have got some awesomesauce quotes from people, and it's only Sunday night!
So, here's the list for 12/11/11:
#1. "And his hand is on my dick--I mean, stomach. Where did 'dick' come from?!"
#2. "I hate it when I dash my foot against a stoner."
#3. "My leg still hurts, but there are cookies in the kitchen. :) If only my leg ate cookies..."
#4. "Why do the Scots wear kilts? Because the sheep can hear the zippers. ;)"

12/12/11:
#5. "Are you kidding me? The dude thinks you shit rainbows."
#6. "That makes me happy. You've finally found your soulmate; finally someone just as creepy as you, AND he's blonde. BONUS."
#7. "You sound like a ballOOOONN!"
#8. "Goodbye, Ms. one-who-wears-the-pants! Wait... that means he wears a dress. :D"

12/13/11
#9. "Licking doughnut cuuuuuuuuu...stard."
#10. "If I were a hobo, I would sleep here."
#11. "Were you... biting his ear? ;)"
#12. "It's THOR'S-DAY! Hammer tiiiiime!"
#13. "You make me funny... wait, what?! I mean, happy. -facepalm-"

12/14/11
#14. "I think we just said, cover your butt."
#15. "Be creeped."
#16. "It really doesn't matter what I'm singing because I'm such a pretty sailor."
#17. "You are all like fake-y fakers who stink at faking..."

12/15/11
#15. "Oh, so THAT'S why they thought I was high-OOOO, look, a bicycle! SHINYYY."
#16. "Hi, I'm bald, jealous, and male. Who are you?"
#17.  "Hold up heere. DaFUQ (WITH a Q because it's just that sexii.)"
#18. "Wait, what's dangerous?!"
"You know what's dangerous? That hat. People just stare at that hat, and walk into trees, walls, and cars."
#19. "You didn't say awesomesauce, did you, Bella? Oh, that's just NAAAASTY."

12/16/11
#20. "WOW. That really IS a whore school. You guys are WHORES."
#21. "I gotta piss in my friggin' piss-vagina...-thing. Yeah."
#22. "You know, if I ever get drunk, I'm gonna call you, Mum, because I'd be sooooo easy."
"That's what your reliable friends are for."
*awkward pause*
"No, I'm good. I'd call you because you're my mom. No, because your Beth. No, not even Beth. ELIZA Beth. No, not Elizabeth. It's with a space 'cause you're fruggin' awesomesauce."
"Ok, you're a little loopy..."

12/17/11 (from the Lessons and Carols Party at my house)
#23. "Oh, that wouldn't work. I kill animals. They just all die around me. It's not really my fault."
"Red flag, son, RUN!"
#24. "You're all hot and Tarzan-y, and I'm all saggy like an old transvestite."
#25. "I just noticed that he's the only one with one hand under the table..."
(AAANNNDD there's much more, but I'm not going to post them for the sake of the people who said them because they are kinda scandalous beyond measure....)
#26. "My voice got all high."
"*falsetto* No it *voice drops* didn't."

To be continued...
Ok, these ARE quotes, IDK from when though...
#27. "Are you going to keep touching your friend while I'm talking to you?"
#28. "MY SHOW."
#29. "I start to rule the world until the last week of February."
#30. "We're giving you a mental hug. Ok, bye."

This week's quotes...

This week's top twelve quotes are (not necessarily in order):


#1. "Soprani, I want you to hoot like a crazy psycho owl."
#2. "Schtop ith."
#3. "Can you make it large? And large? And LARGE?"
#4. "And you all should be like, 'HELL yeah, he's an Englishman!'"
#5. "You are the noisiest random noise person."
#6. "Our Ralph Rackstraw is not here. He's getting his nails done."
#7. "It's not 'jew,' people. Gilbert and Sullivan did not write any specifically Jewish text."
#8. "Let's pick up at 'Goodbye'... GOODBYE!"
#9. "If you know you're a space cadet, SHUT UP."
#10. "You gotta be more badass about it. Like, 'yeeeeeaahhh, I AM a turtle dove!'"
#11. "I don't want to hear anybody roll a tree."
#12. "No licking in the hall!"

And this is why punctuation is important, kids....

This made me practically pee my pants. I was on Facebook, going through my grandma's page, checking out all of her photos, and I found this:

Punctuation is a bitch (a rather snarky one, at that.)

The most awkward week of my life told through quotes

So, the title pretty much sums up my week. Since I'm not big into sharing the dirty details of my personal life with the rest of world, I'll just share these quotes with you (Don't worry. Only one of these quotes is from me...)


1. "So... you and my son, eh?"


2. "Are you sure that's not you, because he looks a LOT like a longer haired version of you."
"So, Dad, are you saying you think I'M the one who wears the pants then?"
"Yes. It's like looking in a mirror. 'You're so gorgeous.' 'No, YOU'RE so gorgeous.'"


3. "Slowly, slowly, three times through the grinder..." 


4."Don't lick his face. I know you and your licking ways..."


5. "ChaCha, do men 'swordfight' to have sex?"


6. "Well, I guess that makes him a terrible ass homewrecker. And BTW, the 'fail at life' part is sort of implied from that, so no need for the redundancy."


7. "Be meaner baby kangaroos." ("Horton Hears a Who" reference...)


8. "Reindeer are for amateurs. True badasses use marsupials."


I'm betting that I will end up editing/adding to this list a LOT MORE this week.

Perry + Gabby's First 15 Rules of Life: (Like the Ten Commandments, only scandalous)

So, my friend Perry and I were discussing at a sleepover at her house how we have a few friends whose advice never seems to work for us not matter how much they convince us it will, so to help us follow our own beliefs (and also because it was 3 in the morning, no one was on Skype anymore, and we were out of sparkling cider, which all lead to melodramatic boredom and excessive eating), we decided to create a list of rules off the top of our heads that we will *try* to live by. These are the 15 we came up with so far.


#1. Make sure the pen you're using to write the list actually @&$?¡€#% works.
#2. NEVER ask/heed/listen to relationship advice from friends whose love lives have never worked out and/or friends who've never dated. (Oh, and ugly friends, too. Forgot that one...)
#3. NEVER ask a guy why he likes you. He'll *usually* end up questioning why he does, and get the hell out of dodge. I know WAYYY too many people who make that mistake.
#4. Icing and ice cream do NOT make everything better, ladies, despite what you've seen on sitcoms. It only makes awkward Skype conversations with people at sleepovers that makes you seem high... Wait, what I was saying?
#5. Do NOT plank on spiky fences. Despite what you may have been told, you are NOT Jesus. (or maybe you are...)
#6. Don't wear lipstick if you're in a relationship because it screams "I'm single, and can wear whatever the hell I want on my lips because no one's ever going to touch mine. I could wear elephant s**t if I really wanted to (but that's another story ;))"
#7. Never say "balls" if you have the opportunity to say "bollocks."
#8. Never tell anyone you think you might meet twice what you truly think about anything, ESPECIALLY if you're a girl.
#9. Pointy shoes are the best choice of weapon for kicking males in their privates. Just sayin'.
#10. Guys who use the word "faggot" in a derogatory sense are obviously compensating for something.
#11. DO NOT KISS WITH YOUR EYES OPEN. THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE.
#12. Algebra 2 is an entirely pointless class. It's just there to fill the gap between shapes and calculators.
#13. If you can't comprehend European humor, SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH YOU. If you can, SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH YOU, but in a good way. ;)
#14. Don't go to the movies as a first date. You really don't get to know them if you're sitting quietly in the dark, unless you're a pervert and that's the only way you'll ever want to know them. I'm totally kidding. Be a pervert. xD
#15. Always walk in tempo, whether there's music playing or not, in which case, sing or hum to yourself even if you look like a moron doing it.


To be continued when the authors are sane once more (which is NEVERRR, so suck it up)...

My friend Ecce Consheepies and other oddities

So, this is my first attempt (and what probably will be a FAIL) at blogging. Yes, I'm fourteen years old. No, I won't censor myself for you, so be warned, this blog contains mature content. I hope this blog about my life will either make you laugh, or maybe even offend you. Either way, I absolutely dare you to have an opinion.

For those of you who get the joke, yes, I named my blog after my dear Ecce Consheepies. For those of you who don't know what the heck I'm talking about, Ecce Consheepies is the name I gave to the little sheep sitting on the piano in the choir room at my work. It's a pun on the latin phrase "ecce concipies' which *I believe* literally translates into "behold, conceive." So, obviously, if you are that naïve that you haven't figured this all out by now, this is all a 'that's what she said' bestiality joke. If you are offended by sexual innuendo, TURN BACK NOW. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, TURN BACK NOW. If you just blinked, TURN B--I'm just kidding.

Anyways, enjoy. I hope to see you all in hell. ;)